What about a "Jokes" thread? - I will start.

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New NILE Virus Reported. This new virus appears to target those who were born prior to 1948. The 'lock down' seems to be increasing the chances of being affected! Symptoms: 1. Causes you to send the same email twice. (Done that) 2. Causes you to send a blank email. (That too) 3. Causes you to send an email to the wrong person. (Yup) 4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha) 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that) 6. Causes you to hit SEND before you have finished. (Oh no, not again) 7. Causes you to hit DELETE instead of SEND. (Hate that) 8. Causes you to hit SEND when you should DELETE. (Whoops, now what?) This virus is called the C-NILE virus! A lot of us have already been infected with this deadly disease and unfortunately as we get older it tends to get worse. And if you cannot admit to doing any of the above, you have obviously caught the other strain -- the D-NILE virus!
 
Thank God, I was born in 1948, and I don't have any of those symptoms. But wait, am I displaying signs of the D-Nile virus? Maybe you get that first?
 
Due to the coronavirus pandemic, the Germans are stocking up on sausages and beer............ to cover a wurst case scenario
 
I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.
 
Woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!

I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
 
They have now added Iceland to the places you have a compulsory 14 day quarantine after you have been.

I only went for a bag of oven chips !

[ for non UK people an Iceland shop sells frozen food in the UK ]
 
This may be of interest to one of you. A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Scotland. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding ! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.



It's at Hamilton Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Sarah, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, very pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.
 
My wife went to the grocery store as usual on Friday, right after having her hair done.
She was gone a bit longer than usual, but I didn't think too much of it.

She returned with a grin on her face and mentioned that he got hot bread at the store.
I replied. Really? I didn't know you were seeing anyone.
 
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